dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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