Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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