Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
