This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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