I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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