He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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