i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
