It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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