last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
