is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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