You made me cry and you don't even care
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
