Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
