oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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