you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
