So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
