Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
