What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
