like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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