I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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