HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
