In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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