Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
