Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
