Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
