Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
worst night to have a conscience
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
