i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
