Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
