At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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