i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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