yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
