I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
my liver is dry heaving
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
