My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
