My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
