you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
