I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
