it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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