He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
