His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
