Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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