If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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