I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
