i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
