At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
