i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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