You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
