my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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