Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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