dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
