My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
