Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
