dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
